The Fine Art of Internet Small Talk – Part 1

Social networking sites are on a bit of a roll lately. It’s gotten to the point where if you aren’t registered for sites like LinkedIn, Facebook or Plaxo you’re being made to feel just as inadequate as you are about your bad breath.

Here’s an exercise you can all do after you read this article (or heck, you can do it right now and not read the rest or the article. It’s a free country).

Ask the next 20 people you meet if they are on LinkedIn. For those who say “yes” – count the number who say, “Yes, but I haven’t done much with it.” We can tell you it will be almost all of them.

Which completes the inadequacy circle. First, you get to feel inadequate because you haven’t joined – and then, once you do join, you get to feel inadequate because you haven’t done much with it.

Technology, you may have noticed, is almost always pitched to your inadequacies. They’re finding your pain, baby. And, they’re finding a lot of it.

But, what if I told you that you are OK just the way you are?

That’s right. You don’t need to optimize your web site in order to be successful in your business. You don’t to buy Google Adwords to reach your audience. And, you don’t need to join LinkedIn to have a vast and vibrant network.

Fine, Fine, Debra Fine

What you do need is to develop your Internet small talk abilities. We call it “the fine art of Internet small talk.” And our leader and mentor in this area is the author of The Fine Art of Small Talk – none other than Debra Fine.

Don’t know Debra? She’s chatted with the hosts of the Today Show, the Early Show and even those brainy guys at National Public Radio. She’s also published several books and written articles for any number of major magazines – all about how simple, natural conversational skills can help you enhance your business relationships.

Which is why we say that Debra is our mentor when it comes to Internet conversations. What’s missing from most people’s approach to LinkedIn and the other social networking sites? Small talk.

Try This One at Home

Just try and find more than a few people on those sites who “get” the small talk part of the equation. Or, as we said in a recent blog article

Give this a whirl the next time someone pokes you on Facebook or invites you on LinkedIn. Write to them. Update them on what you’ve been doing – the kids have grown; Aunt Lucy is in rehab; you’ve switched jobs twelve times. I’ll give you odds that they won’t write back.

They’ve “tagged” you – and that was the point. It’s like counting coup.

Sadly, most people never write back. Not even a “thank you, let’s stay in touch.”

Most, but not all. Just a couple days ago, Al Bhatt invited me to join his LinkedIn network. I sent him a thank you for the invite, along with a brief update. He then got right back to me on the latest in his personal and professional life. And among the tidbits was this:

Our first client is a whopper: a 3-6 million member global community that will spin out of the Seeds of Compassion event in Seattle in April (www.seedsofcompassion.org).

Now, it’s funny and sometimes spooky how this networking stuff works. Sheryl and I are going to Seattle in April, so you can imagine that little bit of news caught our attention. Think about it. Without the conversation, there’s no chance for serendipity to work. As Cheryl Richardson says, “You have to look for the moments of grace.” When networking sites are used to rack up numbers, instead of conversations, you’re missing the best stuff.

Still, Al is the exception. Don’t believe us? You can try this same exercise at home, kids. Let us know the results.

It’s Only One Six-billionth About You

But, what about Debra, you might be asking yourself. We’ll bet that she’s not asking that. She’s reading along in an article supposedly about her, but my bet is that she’s not ticked off. Because, you see, Debra Fine is about networking – not about Debra Fine.

And, it’s not a slight distinction – most people are working you – and it’s about them. Most people are selling you – or setting you up for the sale. Networking is not selling and it’s not marketing. It’s conversation.

Debra Fine is a true networker. And, the simple, natural conversational techniques that she teaches work just as well on the Internet as they do in person. And, here’s a little nugget for you. Almost no one is using good conversational skills on the Internet.

In fact, whenever people ask us what’s wrong with their online networking – we simply send them to buy a copy of The Fine Art of Small Talk.

Oh, and did we tell you that she has a brand new book out? Yup – it’s called The Fine Art of the Big Talk: How to Win Clients, Deliver Great Presentations, and Solve Conflicts at Work. But, that’s another article.

The Best Damn NSA Meeting Ever

Note: Debra Fine will be just one of three national superstars at the next Colorado chapter meeting of the National Speakers Association.  Sam Horn and Ed Tate join her in what is surely the best NSA Colorado speaker line-up in years. It’s April 12th from 8:30 AM to 12:30 PM – so be there. You’d be nuts to miss it.

Also Note: Pretty sure the quote heading “It’s Only One Six-billionth About You” is from Anne Lamott.